As it turns out, we couldn’t have imagined we’d be witnessing history as we caught Detroit’s very own Jack White at Gröna Lund in Stockholm, Sweden, earlier this week. Gröna Lund is the Swedish capital’s flagship theme park, and let’s be honest, in all likelihood doubles as the world’s cheapest live marquee concert series. For just over $40, one gets access to dozens and dozens of gigs throughout the summer, set amidst a kaleidoscopic rollercoaster of merry-go-rounds and a total capacity of just over 10,000 people a night. This year includes folks such as Rick Astley, Natalie Imbruglia, Garbage, Brad Paisley, Shaggy, Anthrax, Charlie Puth, and of course, The Cardigans. Pretty sweet deal if you’re from the land of ice and snow (in fairness, a vast majority of the acts are either domestic or Nordics-centric). At any rate, the White Stripes and Third Man Records founder graced the wide-ranging-demographics crowd members this past Tuesday 9th June with a totally fuzzy, messy, and zany near two-hour set that included 22 songs (of which 13 White Stripes and Raconteurs “covers” lol, according to setlist.fm), as well as a bout of cold rain toward the end.
Something else the 50-year old Michiganian did on the same day was announcing a new album without actually… announcing it. Himself, at least. Once again. Aside from quietly squeezing the raucous and testy new lead single “Dollar Bill” at number three on the night’s setlist—unbeknownst to the crowd in attendance—the singer/songwriter-turned-upholsterer did not utter a single word in reference to his new LP, entitled Frozen Charlotte. Sporting the previously released “G.O.D. and the Broken Ribs” b/w “Derecho Demonico” singles to open up the dances, the new thirteen-track project—Jack’s seventh solo outing—sees “Dollar Bill” sequenced halfway through the record at number 7. Naturally, the full length is being marketed and released via his own imprint Third Man Records—slated to drop worldwide on 10th July next month.
Speaking of Third Man Records, given that the boss himself couldn’t be asked to make a mere mention of his new album while literally being on a tour promoting it, the “official” announcement cue had to come by way of the haphazard Detroit-based label’s Third Man Release Lab webinar. A free online series in two parts, the thought leadership series was billed to offer “a behind-the-scenes look at our creative approach to record releases, discussions on the music industry’s evolution, and the strategies we feel still hold up in 2026. Whether you’re an artist, independent label, or simply interested in the mechanics of the music industry, this series offers something for everyone interested in how modern release campaigns take shape”. Well, it was during the second and final installment of the video series—ostensibly an educational deep dive into the label’s marketing strategies, published on the same day as Jack White’s Stockholm gig—that the Easter Egged information about his brand new solo album were disclosed.
For all intents and purposes, the webinar focused on the campaign behind 2024’s terrific No Name, an album that was first ushered into the ether when physical vinyl copies were secretly slipped into customers’ bags at Third Man shops all over the world. Yet at around 24:25 into the video, a dry roundtable of Third Man execs Ben Swank, Ben Blackwell, Morgan Perry, and Jordan Williams gets briefly signal-jacked by a low-fidelity black-and-white footage of a chrome skull-helmeted character in front of a picture framed with the sole word “CONTENT” in it. The mysterious action figure’s nameplate reads “FROZEN CHARLATAN”, as they eventually hold up a sign that says “NEW ALBUM”. A front cover then briefly flashes onscreen before the Release Lab continues without anyone at the roundtable batting an eye.
Truth be told, a similar low-key tease happened during Part One a day prior. As co-founder and Third Man minority owner Blackwell blabbered about releasing the Dead Weather’s “Hang You From The Heavens” 7″ in 2009, the video got warped and interrupted by about thirty seconds of new music, which in twenty-twenty hindsight we now know stems from the aforementioned “Dollar Bill”. That clip was then surreptitiously uploaded to a new standalone YouTube account, @FrozenCharlatan, whose description box currently includes a Linktree to blue and chrome vinyl pre-orders for, you guessed it, Frozen Charlotte. Par for the course, Thee Frozen Charlatan’s YouTube account’s bio simply reads “CONTENT CONTENT CONTENT”, and redirects to a hilariously domain-named site: https://wwwwwwwww.000000000.net.
Intriguingly, this time one should look beyond sonic wavelengths to arrive at source of the total marketing strategy around the LP, as its title appears to stem from White’s recent visual fine art work, as reported on his official IG profile. Incidentally, “Frozen Charlotte” is the name of a series of his sculptures currently on display at Damien Hirst’s Newport Street Gallery in London (as well as being rocked as part of the stage choreography on his current tour, see above), for what is the garage rock pioneer’s first museum exhibition. For those interested, here’s how both the installation and its curious name came about:
An old carnival prize chalkware statue from the 1940’s of a sailor boy falls over in my recording studio and its head breaks off. I grab a nearby blue skull shaker percussion object and glue it in the head’s place. I paint the body white and suddenly an all new character avatar that I called “Frozen Charlotte” came to life.
A “frozen Charlotte” is a penny doll toy from victorian times, they were ceramic but could float or have a dress put over, recalling an old folk song about a girl who froze to death from not dressing properly in the winter. I wanted to make the modern version of chalk ware of the 40’s and 50’s which to me is 3D printed plastic. We took the piece to be scanned and CAD filed in order to make more of her with the help of Daniel Birkhead at @pr3nter_inc and my good man Daniel Mancini facilitating. Then sanding, priming, spraying back at my own shop to create numerous avatars of her including a male trixter hero version named the “Frozen Charlatan” who is the chrome metallic alter ego.
Some of them felt like they needed to include the original broken off sailor’s head. Many versions of the sculpture started to come out of me, different personalities and characters, some to mimic the fast airbrush style of cheap carnival prizes made assembly line style, and some more elaborately painted, all of which are in the art show.
For now, this seems to be all we know about Jack White’s latest project. The record’s up as a pre-release on Apple Music et al. There is never a world in which we don’t need a new Jack White album, but this current juncture’s erratic and off-the-wall nature—one in which the New York Knickerbockers return to eternal hoopin’ glory after more than half a century while World Cup referees are sent back home—really does seem to warrant it. Yet, don’t get it twisted, you better set a calendar placeholder for Friday 10th July, for you wouldn’t know Jack White had a new album out if you only got your news from the (third) man himself.
We’d like to thank you sincerely for taking the time to read this and we hope to feel your interest again next time.
April flowers did bring May flowers, after all. Speaking of, this piece is brought to you by August Fanon’s The Golden Child —Nas [FANON EDITION] Vol. 1: a lush, lavish, and glossy mixtape by the Brooklyn-based hip-hop producer reimagining some of Nasir Jones‘s most significant tunes off Illmatic (1994), It Was Written (1996), and The Lost Tapes (2002). Should you have twenty bucks to spare, do your daily good deed and dash them toward your main man August by copping his tape instead of funneling them into prediction or crypto markets. He’s fighting the good fight for us.
At any rate, fights rule everything around us, and if you’re anything like us you’ll know of some highfaluting ones of the sporting affectation taking place right now as the National Basketball Association entered its momentous 2026 post-season phase a few weeks ago. Last month, we wrote and didn’t regret our bold NBA Pick ‘Em Bracket Challenge predictions, handily nailing the left-side Western Conference half of the Merkle tree, yet completely botching the East through what at the time didn’t seem like such outlandish picks by placing Detroit and Boston in the Conference finals (the first and second regular season seeds, respectively…?). Nope, both teams clearly had other plans and prioritized getting a head start vacation sign off to Cancún, with the Pistons imploding on Cunningham’s countless turnovers and Durens complete disappearance off the face of the earth, while the Celtics self-sabotaged via a mixture of prepotence, in-fighting, and folding Tatum too early back into the team.
We like to think we’re at least partially redeeming ourselves by having a 100% Western Conference finals hit rate with the somewhat predictable landing of both OKC and the Spurs (the first and second regular season seeds, respectively…!), as well as an active NBA Champions pick still in the race in Wembanyama‘s jackals squad. Sticking to the left-hand side of the Association (no relation to political affiliations, NB), we’d even have a perfect bracket all the way to the first round match ups, had Kevin Durant not willingly chosen to check out for the year before the Rockets series against the Lakers even began. Like, Los Angeles actually advanced 4-2 basically without Dončić and Reaves, facing little to no opposition by an unrecognizable Houston team, only to get wholeheartedly obliterated by the reigning Champs Thunder in the next round. Did we even mention we’re New York Knicks fans over here? We know you wouldn’t tell looking at our predictions. That’s why we keep off Polymarket.
Amidst this bulletin, we did see fit to return to our only friend, the NBA AI chatbot—and us likely being its only friend too, considering the radio silence around it this whole season (the service still sports a ‘Beta’ label next to it). So we went ahead and asked it some more questions. Only this time sprucing some Playoff zhuzh on top. We broke the queries down in three packages; two questions for each of the Conference final match ups, as well as two bonus missives we thought would throw it a bit for a loop. As per usual, you’ll find this mysteriously underreported feature by going to the Discover tab in the official native NBA App, and selecting the apposite card from under the Around the League menu. All questions and answers are up to date as of 21st May, with stat lines and data allegedly corresponding to the same timestamp. We started with our beloved East, looking for a hybrid between a low-key scouting report for each team and gratis intel to each opponent’s coaching staff:
First of all, this thing seems to have improved. Not only are we not sure this type of prompt could even have been processed and answered by the LLM five months ago, but some of the responses returned by our bot friend actually held some water. Let’s pick out some highlights. According to the NBA (?), in order to bounce back from the historical remuntada suffered at the hands of New York a couple days ago, Kenny Atkinson and his Cavaliers should i) attack Brunson’s lackluster defense more deliberately, ii) actually deploy healthy players they have on the bench such as Tyson and Ellis, iii) maximize the floor and be more unforgiving vis-a-vis the Knicks‘s tag teaming, iv) place former Defensive Player of the Year Evan Mobley under the rim, and v) freaking do something about James Harden. Aside from the pretty sus underplaying of the Madison Square Harden problem on account of how blatant it was, these are legitimately valid improvement areas for Cleveland—if slightly basic.
Hilariously if you’re the Cavs, the list of AI recommendations for the Knicks to keep the momentum going and leave Gotham City up 2-0 on the series start loudly and proudly with a “[k]eep attacking James Harden in pick-and-rolls”. While Mike Brown’s squad did receive an extra solicitation bullet point compared to their rivals (six to five), it did come in the form a trippy contradiction between its ethos (“Force Cleveland’s bigs to protect the rim and rebound in space”) and the preceding advice (KAT pulling Allen and Mobley away from the rim). Pick one lane, botty mouth. The final three recs all seemed based though, focusing on New York’s rapid, visceral, and dynamic defense, their sharp three-point shooters, as well as resorting to Brunson’s hero ball late in the game. Again, pretty duh takes—not least given that the Knicks captain was named Clutch Player of the Year last year—yet not too terrible considering this is free advice. Let us hop over to the West next.
Unlike the skewed critical mass noticed for the Eastern Conference finalists, both San Antonio and Oklahoma got six notes each, as they just rebalanced their series score after the instant classic game 1 which saw Wemby and co. edge out the reigning champs. Because the French alien is the best player on the planet right now, we chose to word the prompt leading OKC’s scouting report around potential ways to stop him, rather than the more generic formulation reserved to the other teams. Yup, his gravity and impact is that strong.
This second batch of responses came through as more of a mixed bag. Firstly, while it’s somewhat common knowledge that Gregg Popovich low-key acts as the Spurs whisperer—and surely commands a larger-than-life presence in the organization—for the Association’s official AI chatbot to still bill him as the head coach in two different passages is flat out gross and unforgivable. Not only is it disrespectful toward Mitch Johnson’s excellent work since taking over the honcho position last year, but it seriously throws into question the kind of data this language model is using and training on… Anywho, notwithstanding such faux-pas, the pieces of advice to San Antonio are generally fair game and strike a cool balance between offensive (protecting the ball, avoiding turnovers, spreading the floor in half court sets) and defensive (return to dominate rebounds, contain pick-and-rolls for SGA) adjustments.
As far as neutralizing Wembanyama is concerned, according to the chatbot Oklahoma should… throw more physicality at him? Uhm, firstly; did the Thunder head coach Daigneault not think about it already? And secondly, how exactly? Not even OKC’s larger-than-average bigs Holmgren and Hartenstein seem to have figured out how to slow him down—they got a game each to attempt that, unsuccessfully so. If anything, the last two bullet points appear a tad more conducive to scalable in-game adjustments SGA and friends could leverage depending on how brutally Wemby annihilates them: a) picking up pace offensively, beating him and the Spurs to the spot, and b) exploiting switches and screens to minimize his presence and gravity around he basket. All easier said than done.
Lastly, we did tease two bonus prompts for each of the two Conference finals, and this is how we put NBA’s AI to work: when asked about the potential impact of the Western finals’ IL—including projected starters De’Aaron Fox, Dylan Harper, and Jalen Williams as of the time of this writing—we were left pretty underwhelmed by the microwaved reflections yielding neither fish nor fowl (“those three injuries leave both teams short-handed”; “Spurs struggling to organize their offense”; “the Thunder needing others to replicate Williams’ defensive and slashing presence”). You know that feeling you get nowadays when AI spits back those hollow, boilerplate, surface-level, yet elegantly written (and perhaps “believable”) answers? These bonus prompt felt the most like that.
Even the more interesting and speculative inquiry about who the Knicks—billed by everyone as the clear East favorites to reach the NBA Finals for the first time in almost thirty years—should prefer to match up against in the prize fight was not only safe and uninspiring, but riddled with factual errors (wrong Playoff pace stats compared to OKC and average turnovers per game) as well as omissions (perhaps mentioning the fact that New York already beat San Antonio in a high-stakes finals game this season would have been appropriate?). Oh, lest we didn’t make it clear, AI too thought it was the Spurs.
So where does this leave us exactly, five months removed from our first sandbox trial of this little known, poorly-advertised proprietary algorithmic feature of the league? We’re not sure, actually. The bot’s answers did appear to become more substantial and articulate, at least at face value. Unlike our first underwhelming date, the NBA’s LLM didn’t push back on any prompt this time, no matter how forward-looking or potentially incriminating they might sound by being associated with the Jerry West logo (we even asked it for its thoughts on who will lift the Larry O’Brien Championship Trophy this year, and it docilely returned bookmakers’ odds with the usual blah blah blah—not pictured here for obvious reasons). Yet, we’re still not sure we came away with learning anything new, or different, that we couldn’t just as easily have scraped from the right corners of NBA X (or Bluesky! Yes, yay, Bluesky is rife with hoopin’ blabber these days, believe it or not). This features remains a modern mystery to us.
All things considered, does this piece double as an indictment of LLMs? Well, did y’all see the gnarly AI-generate companion image below? This tech can’t even spell the word Oklahoma correctly—how can we trust it with deep Playoff on-court lore and intel?
We’d like to thank you sincerely for taking the time to read this and we hope to feel your interest again next time. And let’s go Knicks, this time around.
Don’t look now, but this summer it’ll be a whole ten years since the release of Frank Ocean‘s Blonde (as well as his underrated visual album companion Endless, you abolitionists!). Notwithstanding the highfalutin subterfuge he pulled off to ensure his hotly-anticipated sophomore record would be fully owned, distributed, and self-released via his own imprint Boys Don’t Cry—completely outside of the major circuit grip—the 17-track, hour-long tape has been aging like the finest of red wines. Landing more and more Top <insert here> album accolades as the years go by, Blonde‘s undeniable impact and influence only worsens the holdout wait fans have been plagued by throughout the past decade.
Yet before unpacking musical longing and nostalgia by way of ancillary creative prisms, let us weave in a brief hoopin intermission, just as motivated by the present timely juncture as by our own volition. Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ll know that the 2026 NBA postseason officially kicked off this past weekend, with its first full rodeo of games across the Western and Eastern conferences. As it’s storied tradition within this corner of the web, we once again made sure to churn out our impulsive, instinctive, and impromptu Playoffs bracket prediction as soon as the final (disappointing, no wasps…) Play-in verdicts trickled in last Friday night. Peep it below in its full glory.
Suffice to say that through a mere linear extrapolation of projected first round series winners per the above, our post-game one hit rate stagnates at moderately mediocre 62.5%—having correctly guessed five match up winners out of the possible eight. While we are quick to concede that the Wolves edging out the ex-ex-Champs Denver Nuggets remains a daring call, we just can’t even coexist with the idea that a Dončić- and Reaves-less Lakers would actually go on to upset a, well, for now Durant-less Rockets (at least as of game 1’s IL). Even more stupefying was the out-of-nowhere road win that a harassed and blemished Orlando Magic-ally managed to conquer in the Michiganian lion’s den of the #1 seed in the East, Detroit. Yeah we know, it’s just the first game of the first round of a long postseason. Matter of fact, we’ll keep and stand by our predictions; not least because last year‘s didn’t exactly pan out all that better…
Back to Blonde. Frank, where the Goddamn album at already?! Glazing over the personally dispelled rumors of that lore-ridden pre-Pandemic Look at Us, We’re in Love tape (that nonetheless yielded us a string of incrediblestandalonesingles), it’s been awfully quiet on the musical front for the 38-year old former Odd Future wunderkind. So naturally, as with every addicting product not immediately available on the market, folks have been resorting to derivatives or, worse, copycats as their blonded fix to get by. Thusly, we thought we’d both celebrate and hopefully summon the right Ocean-esque vibrations necessary to memorialize a decade of Blondes, and who knows, perhaps even Mandela-effecting a new thing from Frank sooner or later.
One fun thing that has been circulating under the title Blond (!llmind Remixed) is a six-track, free-download revisitation dating back to 2016, the same year the OG Blonde dropped. Less a conventional project than a kind of digital sample pack—it’s likely a spontaneous combustion artifact of the immediate, saturated, chaotic afterlife of the record. If our memory serves us right (we copped the remix bundle around the time it dropped), this project came and went from the Interwebs a few times throughout the years, probably due to IP fingerprinting reasons. As of this writing however, it appears to be available and supplied as a free SoundCloud download by one Roseville Music Group (RMG), “a music entity founded by !llmind” himself, according to their profile.
In his reimagined pack, the Brooklyn, NY-based DJ samples six significant tunes from the full tracklist, and only ever so slightly alters their sonic tapestry by minimally intervening at various nooks and crannies. One is left wondering whether !llmind ever managed to get a hold of the full DAW session and stems for these in the first place, for the closeness to the original sound recordings and the thinly invasive modifications have us believe he simply worked his way down from the main monolith mixed and mastered full track file. Although it’s certainly enticing to hear selector reworks of slower deep cuts such as “Ivy” and “White Ferrari“, we would have also been curious to check out more dancey and EDM-adjacent cuts such as “Nikes” and “Nights” getting the remix treatment too.
By contrast, there’s also something called Piano Tribute to Frank Ocean—a fully realized, if enigmatic, solo piano cover concerto by the imaginatively named artist Blond Piano. Released in early 2017, the album presents a near-comprehensive instrumental rework of the Homer-founder’s eponymous LP, translating its layered, loose, and experimental production into sparse keyed arrangements. Stripped of vocals, effects, and ambient textures, each Blonde song (minus the two spoken interludes “Be Yourself” and “Facebook Story”) is reduced to its melodic and harmonic foundations. In case it still weren’t clear enough to someone, these renditions go to reveal just how structurally robust compositions like “Pink + White”, “Skyline To”, and “Seigfried” truly are.
Equally striking is the creative anonymity behind the project. Unlike Frank’s carefully managed and syndicated mystique, Blond Piano’s identity appears entirely absent. Aside from organic trade press speculation at the time, no promotion, no interviews, no context. This vacuum lends the album a quiet, almost accidental quality, as if it simply appeared and was discovered rather than released. The good people over at DJ Booth called the classical fifty minutes of keyed Blonde conversion “the closest you will get to being purified in the waters of Lake Minnetonka without traveling to Minnesota”. For some reason, it’s kind of no cap.
Together, these two Blondes show that Frank’s timeless 2016 record can be both endlessly reworked, and radically reduced. Functioning at once as a mutable cultural artifact and a deeply rooted piece of musical concoction. Blond (!llmind Remixed) and Piano Tribute to Frank Ocean are but two expressions of the artistic vastness the gifted singer/songwriter allows us to swim within. While there is no amount of words or images that can aptly describe the salivation we and all of his fans are producing as we eagerly await his next musical output in agony, there is also no end to the gratitude and grace we should feel knowing he’s given us this decade-old masterpiece. Happy tenth anniversary, Blonde.
We’d like to thank you sincerely for taking the time to read this and we hope to feel your interest again next time.
At first glance Haiti, the third largest country in the Caribbean, seems like a tragic outlier. It is one of the poorest countries in the Western Hemisphere, wracked by gang violence, corrupt elites, political instability, and repeated humanitarian crises. In the year of our Lord 2026—and pretty much ever since the disastrous 2010 earthquake—armed groups control much of the capital city, Port-au-Prince, kidnapping civilians, fighting for territory, and challenging a government that barely functions with no elected official in any position of power to speak of. No President. No Prime Minister. No Parliament. Millions face hunger, thousands flee the country each year, and basic state institutions have all but collapsed.
To many of us out here, Haiti might appear to be a failed nation state through and through. But we’re here today to tell you that this interpretation misses something fundamental. Haiti is not simply a tragedy. It is a quintessential case study, a harbinger—a historical experiment that reveals how global power structures, colonialism, debt, and foreign intervention shape the modern world. If we are to understand the mechanisms of imperialist Western dominance, global capitalism, and political dependency, Haiti is not peripheral. It is absolutely central.
Haiti is, in many ways, a canary in the coal mine of modern world history.
To understand Haiti’s significance for the present day, one must begin with the colony that preceded it: Saint-Domingue, the French settlement occupying the western half of the island of Hispaniola (today shared with the Dominican Republic). By the late eighteenth century, Saint-Domingue was one of the richest colonies in the world. Enslaved Africans produced enormous quantities of sugar, coffee, and timber that flowed into European markets. At one point in history, half of the sugar and coffee consumed in Europe came from just this single tiny colony. In many ways, the wealth generated there low-key helped finance the rise of modern European capitalism.
Yet, this wealth rested on one of the most brutal slave systems ever. Enslaved people vastly outnumbered free inhabitants, often by more than ten to one. They worked long hours in brutal conditions and suffered horrifying punishments for resistance. Many died within a few years of arrival. Saint-Domingue was not just a colony; it was an engine of European wealth built on human exploitation.
Crucially, in 1791 enslaved Africans in Saint-Domingue launched and accomplished one of the most remarkable revolutions in human history—in 1804, after more than a decade of war against French domination, they succeeded in something unprecedented: they defeated Napoleon’s army and de facto abolished and outlawed slavery. They established the world’s first Black republic. Latin America’s first independent nation.
The event reshaped global politics; for the Haitian Revolution challenged the racial hierarchy on which European colonial empires depended. It proved that enslaved people could overthrow the system that exploited and dehumanized them. For slaveholding societies across the Americas, mostly notably the USA, this was terrifying. For enslaved people, it was revolutionary inspiration. Unsurprisingly, the response from the world’s most powerful nations was swift: isolate Haiti. Slaveholding nations feared that recognizing their incredible feat would encourage revolts elsewhere.
As a case in point, the United States refused to recognize Haiti until 1862. European powers isolated the country diplomatically and economically; although Haiti had won its freedom, it would soon discover that the global system had other hegemonic ways of enforcing Western supremacy and political hierarchy.
In 1825 France—who never accepted to recognize Haiti after its successful slave revolt—sent a fleet of warships to Haiti with an ultimatum issued by King Charles X: the Caribbean country would need to either pay 150 million francs in compensation to former French slaveholders and for the recognition of their independence, or face renewed military invasion. Clearly, the demand was staggering. More perversely, France was effectively forcing formerly enslaved people to compensate their former masters for lost property, ergo the very enslaved people themselves. Facing the threat of war, Haiti reluctantly accepted. For reference, that debt amount was 300% of the country’s gross domestic product at the time.
Shockingly, the country did not have the money. In an ironic metaphor for the modern diminishing returns of late stage capitalism, to make the payments Haiti resorted to borrowing from high-interest French banks themselves, creating a massive circular debt burden that would shape its economy for more than a century. As a result of this, large portions of Haiti’s national revenue were diverted to debt payments rather than infrastructure, education, or development. The country’s financial system became tied to foreign creditors. This very arrangement represented one of the earliest examples of sovereign debt being used as a geopolitical lever and weapon—not unlike modern trade negotiations.
France might have backed off their direct violent oppression on the ground, but managed to convert their greed for dominance via an economic enslavement of the nation through debt and obligations capture. Ever so unfairly, the Haitian state began its existence paying enormous sums to the very nation it had fought to escape.
Meanwhile, by the early twentieth century Haiti’s political instability and strategic location in Central America attracted the attention of the United States. As one does, in 1914 U.S. Marines invaded the country by storming the headquarters of its National Bank (later managed by the American multinational investment bank and financial services company Citigroup), beginning a military occupation that lasted nearly twenty years. American forces also seized control of Haiti’s customs houses and national treasury. Their occupation structure violently crushed any resistance at the time, instituted press censorship, and went as far as to rewrite the Haitian constitution—removing restrictions that had prevented foreign ownership of land.
The occupation was allegedly (un)justified as a mission to “stabilize” Haiti and “modernize” its institutions. But it also ensured that American banks and businesses could operate freely within the country. And so the U.S. military introduced forced labor systems to build infrastructure projects such as roads. Thousands of Haitians were compelled to work under conditions that many viewed as a return to colonial practices. Resistance movements known as the Cacos attempted to rebel against the occupation, but U.S. Marines brutally suppressed them. By the time American troops left in 1934, Haiti’s financial system and political institutions had been wholly reshaped to align closely with U.S. interests. What’s more, the USA would retain control of the country’s finances for another thirteen years—coincidentally the same year as when Haiti’s perennial freedom debt to France finally extinguished.
Following the apparent American retreat, in 1957 François ‘Papa Doc’ Duvalier rose to power and established a notorious dictatorships by ruling through terror, and using a paramilitary force called Tonton Macoute to eliminate dissenters and opponents. During his reign, thousands of Haitians were imprisoned, tortured, or killed. Despite the sheer brutality of the regime, the USA (as well as the World Bank) supported and financed Duvalier during the Cold War on account of his firmly anti-communist stances. After Papa Doc’s death in 1971, his then nineteen-year-old son Jean-Claude ‘Baby Doc’ Duvalier continued the dictatorship until his self-inflicted French exile in 1986, as a response to massive civilian protests.
During these decades Haiti received alleged international aid and investment (Baby Doc had essentially outsourced the country’s governance to USAID and the World Bank), but surprise, surprise: much of it was siphoned off by corrupt elites. This mostly translated into offshoring economic policies encouraging foreign manufacturing companies to establish factories in Haiti to take advantage of extremely cheap labor. Haitian workers produced garments, baseballs, and electronics especially for American markets—earning only a few dollars a day. This model turned Haiti into a low-wage sweatshop export platform within the global economy. Remind you of anything?
That’s far from all, folks: the late twentieth century brought about yet another insidious form of external grip: international economic policy. That is, throughout the 1980s and 1990s institutions like the International Monetary Fund, as well as the aforementioned World Bank and USAID, were touting themselves to be promoting structural economic reforms in Haiti. The word ‘promoting’ could not be used more loosely here.
In reality, these reforms included reducing corporate taxes and tariffs, privatizing state enterprises, and opening Haitian markets to foreign imports. Incidentally, one of the most consequential policies involved the rice supply chain. That is, Haiti had historically produced most of its own rice self-sufficiently, but under pressure to liberalize trade, tariffs protecting domestic farmers were drastically reduced by those foreign actors billed to “promote structural economic reforms”. As a result of this, subsidized rice from the United States—much of it produced by American agri-businesses—started to excessively and unnecessarily flood the Haitian market.
Local farmers could not compete, and the result was devastating. Rural communities collapsed as farmers lost their livelihoods and migrated to cities like Port-au-Prince in search of work. To add insult to injury, years later U.S. President Bill Clinton publicly acknowledged that those policies had been harmful, admitting before Congress that forcing Haiti to lower tariffs had “not worked” and had damaged the country’s agricultural economy.
In an apparent promising twist of faith, in 1990 Haiti elected Jean-Bertrand Aristide, a former priest who campaigned on anti-corruption and social justice reforms. However, his presidency lasted mere months before another USAID-funded military coup d’état removed him from power shortly after his democratic election. The country could not catch a break in its own towns. Although Aristide eventually returned to office a few years after the bloody ruling of the military junta under cover of the U.S. army, alas his presidency remained contested and unstable. In 2004 he was again removed from power and sent to the Central African Republic during a political crisis that involved foreign intervention and arming: we’re certainly not reinventing the wheel by noticing how these repeated disruptions kept preventing the consolidation of democratic institutions and reinforced the perception that Haiti’s political system could be reshaped by external actors.
And here comes the kill. On January 12, 2010, a catastrophic 7.0 earthquake struck the heart of the nation’s capital, killing more than 220,000 people and destroying much of Port-au-Prince in just about thirty seconds. The disaster—the worst in over 200 years—triggered a massive international aid response: the initial damage was estimated to have soared to $8 billions, about 70% of the country’s GDP at the time. With the world looking on in absolute shock, about $10 billion dollars in total were pledged for reconstruction. Yet go on, you say it now: the distribution of that aid revealed another layer of global power. Rather than flowing into the local economy, as much as 99% of the aid money pledged to rebuild Haiti went into the pockets of foreign non-governmental organizations. The emphasis is on ‘foreign’ there. Haitians went without basic medicine, while NGO employees were earning $140,000 a year.
Fundamentally, decisions around how to rebuild the country were not made by Haitians themselves. Much of the reconstruction effort was coordinated through the so-called Interim Haiti Recovery Commission, a body co-chaired by renowned Haiti-expert and former U.S. President, Bill Clinton. It’s the oldest story in the book, but while the commission was intended to streamline rebuilding efforts, it actually ended up placing enormous decision-making power in the hands of disingenuous international actors. For instance, large portions of reconstruction funding went to foreign contractors such as Monsanto and them NGOs, rather than Haitian businesses or government agencies. In effect, Haiti’s recovery became once again remotely managed by an international network of aid organizations (with amongst the worst offender having none other than the United Nations Peacekeeping Force), consultants, and foreign governments.
Back to today, a time in which Haiti faces an unprecedented security collapse. After the assassination of President Jovenel Moïse—who had been in power since his election in 2016—at the hand of a group of mercenaries in 2021, the country’s political system fragmented further into oblivion, even as it vied for political continuity through the slim appointment of the controversial Ariel Henry (until his resignation in 2024, due once again to armed gangs taking over the capital city and trapping him outside of Haiti). Nowadays, more than 300 heavily armed guerrillas keep expanding their control over Port-au-Prince, seizing key infrastructure, trade, and neighborhoods. In many areas the state has effectively disappeared. The country hasn’t held elections in over a decade.
The roots of this crisis stretch back through centuries of external pressure, economic restructuring, political interference, and disaster mismanagement (yet another, lesser known, massive 7.2 earthquake struck the southern region of the land in 2021). Haiti’s present instability is not the result of internal dysfunction—it is the cumulative outcome of historical oppressive forces that repeatedly weakened the country’s institutions.
So why is it the most important country in the world?
Not because of its size or power, but because its history exposes the mechanics of the extractionary global world order. Haiti’s history reveals patterns that appear across much of the domination source code of the Global South:
Colonial extraction generating enormous wealth for European powers
Punitive debt arrangements locking newly independent nations into dependency
Foreign military occupations reshaping the DNA of domestic institutions
International financial institutions imposing economic policies that benefit already powerful economies
Humanitarian aid reinforcing external hegemony rather than strengthening local governance
In Haiti these dynamics are unusually visible because they occurr repeatedly, systematically, and dramatically. In other words, Haiti functions as a historical Petri dish for the forces that shape contemporary societies. Its story is far from an anomaly, but it is a concentrated example of political and economical processes that have affected much of the Global South. To study Haiti is therefore to study the architecture of global inequality. To understand Haiti is to understand our modern world.
We’d like to thank you sincerely for taking the time to read this and we hope to feel your interest again next time. And good luck to them as they play their first World Cup in over fifty years later this summer—ironically, co-hosted by the USA. It doesn’t get more full circle than that. Pray for Haiti.
We’ll start by saying that the new A$AP Rocky and J. Cole joints both go pretty hard. Mega hard, in fact. They better do, after almost a decade of teasing, undoing, and gestating for each. At this time, we’re fairly confident in saying that DON’T BE DUMB and The Fall-Off are the two MCs’ best projects to date. Let us throw in some context. As far as J. Cole is concerned—nearly two decades after his debut mixtape The Come Up, the Dreamville Records-founder has handily risen to the top tier of the hip-hop stratosphere as a rarified album-focused spitter, amongst a legion of singles-driven ambulance chasers. The Fayetteville, NC-native deliberately forged his body of work on his own terms, earning major accolades and a fiercely loyal fanbase. Now 41, he gives us what is reportedly his final album, aptly titled The Fall-Off. Rather than a true blue victory lap, the expansive, 2-disc, 24-track oeuvre showcases sustained creative energy and nurtured reflection. And it’s jammed with hoopin‘ references.
The front-end, filled with nods to his Carolinian stomping grounds and his 2014 Forest Hills Drive era, highlights Cole’s storytelling strengths and influences—from Nas-inspired lyricism to more personal, vulnerable moments. On disc 2, the stronger of the two, he shifts from nostalgia to self-assessment, examining his legacy and growth with heightened maturity. By the album coda, he ties past and present together, returning to the profound sense of place that has long defined his journey. A diametrically opposed introduction is in order when it comes to Rocky. As soon as he emerged as the breakout star of Harlem’s A$AP Mob in the early 2010s, he seemed destined for fame—pairing striking flows with a sound that blended New York street rap, Houston chopped-and-screwed textures, and hazy electronic ultralight beams. After the success of his 2011 breakout mixtape LIVE.LOVE.A$AP, he quickly rose through rap’s heavyweights ladder. In recent years, Lord Flacko vastly expanded his focus beyond music, stepping into acting, high-fashion design, and high-profile cultural moments—not without prompting some to question whether spitting 16s was still his priority.
His latest fourth studio LP, DON’T BE DUMB, answers that decisively. His first full-length since 2018’s TESTING, the Tim Burton-artistically directed tape reasserts his place among hip-hop’s narrow elite, balancing brash confidence with refined avant-garde artistry. The pretty motherfu**er addresses rivals and past conflicts head-on, while also embracing a seasoned, eclectic sound—moving from jazz-inflected experimentation to psychedelic trap. True to form, his sharp curatorial instincts shine throughout the hour-long full length, pairing unexpected collaborators and producers (aside from Burton, BossMan Dlow, Brent Faiyaz, Gorillaz, Doechii, Jessica Pratt, Sauce Walka, Slay Squad, Westside Gunn, and will.i.am inter alia) in ways that nod to his beginnings while pushing his style forward.
The above mentioned rap excursuses aside, we’re actually here to talk about the twentieth anniversary of a classical music tribute to Taking Back Sunday? Yup. Our curious object of inquiry is a bizarre 2006 musical ode by the so-called Vitamin String Quartet—VSQ in short—featuring instrumental, string-driven covers of the most popular Taking Back Sunday tunes at the time. The 12-track collection, released on Vitamin Records in the April of two decades (under the influence) ago, re-arranges the Long Island emo veterans’ high-energy, guitar-driven sound from their first two records through violin, viola, and cello renditions. There’s even an original composition and arrangement by VSQ, titled “You’re Good News (To Me)“, to bookend the collection. The whole thing kind of rules. Not sure a whole lot of TBS stans are aware of it.
Oddly enough, the album changed its nominal title from the initial ‘Strung Out on Taking Back Sunday: The String Quartet Tribute‘ (as evidenced here) to VSQ Performs Taking Back Sunday around 2015—presumably due to changing distribution licensing reasons. Hilariously, by virtue of its main high-brow genre, the concerto is also listed under the Apple Music Classical streaming service (peep here), causing the composer metadata to get rendered as a scrambled itemized hodgepodge including a mix of Mark O’Connell, Adam Burbank Lazzara, Shaun Cooper, Fred Mascherino, Frederick Paul Mascherino, and Tom Tally, a former VSQ member. Yeah, no John Nolan sadly.
So what’s good with Vitamin String Quartet? Since launching in 1999, VSQ has been dubbed as a leading force in classical crossover, bringing string interpretations of contemporary music to a global audience. Their work seems to have soundtracked study sessions, weddings, and standout film and TV moments, with high-profile placements in recent productions like Bridgerton and The King of Staten Island. Praised by Variety and Nylon, VSQ is now one of the world’s most popular contemporary string ensembles. With more than 300 releases under their belts at this point, the quartet has reimagined an eclectic range of artists—from Cardi B to Björk, and from Studio Ghibli scores to goth metal—seamlessly blending classical instrumentation with original pop, rock, hip-hop, and electronic music. This kind of goes to show how big Taking Back Sunday was at the halfway point of the 2000s to be handpicked amongst such company (and to think that their most commercially successful record, Louder Now, hadn’t even come out yet at the time).
To date, VSQ has amassed over two billion streams, nearly four million downloads, and more than one million physical sales. For all intents and purposes, they’re pretty huge. Apparently, seven of their LPs have charted on Billboard, including a #4 peak in the Classical and Classical Crossover categories. VSQ Performs Lana Del Rey even earned them a 2021 Libera Award nomination for Best Classical Record. The outfit is based in Los Angeles, where the rotating collective is said to be frequently collaborating with fellow musicians and visual creators, continuing to expand a vast catalog. As a case in point, their long-running VSQ Performs the Hits instalment series has helped make classical versions of modern pop both accessible and culturally relevant, while front-to-back album tributes showcase the ensemble’s versatility.
Happy twentieth anniversary to this fabulously weird record. It rules so hard. We wouldn’t mind checking out an updated 2026 version with some of TBS’s more sophisticated and mature tunes in the latter part of their discography. Surely “Where My Mouth Is“, “Everything Must Go“, “Call Me in the Morning“, “We Were Younger Then“, “Nothing At All“, “Fences“, “Holy Water“, and “Amphetamine Smiles” would all absolutely rip when performed with the magic fiddles of VSQ. There you go, that’s more than half the tracklist of the redux album already. Over to you, Vitamin String Quartet.
We’d like to thank you sincerely for taking the time to read this and we hope to feel your interest again next time.
Believe it or not, we too like to have some little fun around here. We’re not just doom and gloom fueled by sad Ryan Adams reviews all the time. So recently we spotted a new sus AI feature in the official NBA app, one that has hitherto been kept surprisingly quiet. At the time of this writing, the ‘Ask NBA (Beta)’ module can be located in the ‘Around the League’ section under the ‘Discover’ tab as part of the native iOS interface. Currently, it’s being described as a “chatbot application” by the NBA’s fine print lodged at the bottom of the start screen:
Critically, there is no explicit mention of artificial intelligence anywhere on the product’s real estate. Nonetheless, the initial chat-like layout, as well as the ‘questions to get started’ prompts, look a lot like your everyday large language model navigation interface. While one could assume those pictured are relatively low-stake Q&A items hardcoded as ‘if-then’ statements baked into the source of this chatbot, they do set this whole experience up as a quasi-‘ask me anything’ deal. At any rate, if it walks like a duck, it quacks like a duck to us. Yet, it does kind of baffle us how little information or fanfare there is out there about this, and how surprisingly low-key this has been kept by the league so far. Needless to say, we gave this thing a go.
It didn’t start off… great. Below is the chatbot tripping over a somewhat banal data retrieval question about what team had been doing best in games against opponents outside of their league conference, just a few days ago. Alas, the NBA chatbot returned a plain answer listing the two teams at the top of the Easter and Western conferences at the time, citing their overall winning record instead of the opposite-conference one. (For the record, we did ask Google’s Gemini AI the same question—you know, the cannibalizing top search result that is swallowing the SEO market whole—and it did fall short of reporting such a trivial data point too…).
In order to get over the jilted disappointment of our first query, we decided to get cute with some Sixth Man of the Year predictions about halfway through the season. Thankfully, our AI bot friend provided us with sounder insights, bundling some of the well-known usual suspects, Miami’s Jaime Jaquez Jr, Minnesota’s Naz Reid, and Atlanta’s Nickeil Alexander-Walker into its top 5 prediction. We also didn’t mind the neat written summary at the end, partly justifying the table analysis—the holistic approach addressing both media and betting markets feels like a faithful depiction of current day NBA zeitgeist chatter. However, its inability to report a precise points-per-game number for Orlando’s Anthony Black (on top of a completely absent field goal percentage…), continued to leave us perplexed.
We then decided we wanted to test the NBA chatbot’s reasoning oomph by posing a more nuanced—if fascinating—question revolving around potentially unsung ‘diamonds in the rough’ players. We asked for its analysis over what players have been boasting above-average efficiency impact ratings but low playing time. In other words, we were hoping to alley oop NBA head coaches who read this site with allegedly untapped potential on their bench. To drive its insights this time, the chatbot opted for the NBA’s Player Impact Estimate (PIE), a league metric purported to show a player’s percentage contribution to all game boxscore events in totality (points, rebounds, assists, etc.), calculated using a simple and straightforward custom formula:
This one definitely got intriguing. According to our friend the bot, recently waived San Antonio forward Riley Minix would have counted as an incredible secret ace up Mitch Johnson’s sleeve, had they kept him on the team. With a stunning 25.7 PIE in just three games played this season, the Vero Beach, Florida-native left an impact like no other in the two minutes and change he played on average in each of the contests. For comparison, league heavyweights SGA, Wembanyama, Antetokounmpo, and Jokić’s PIEs all currently fare between 21-23. Similarly, the number two secret weapon in the league appeared to be former Detroit Pistons shooting guard Colby Jones, until you realize he got waived by the franchise back in November last year, after just one league appearance.
Matter of fact, of the ten players listed by the chatbot as part of this query, only Indiana Pacers veteran TJ McConnell has played more than ten games this season (24). Aside from him, Marcus Sasser (Pistons) and Pete Nance (Milwaukee Bucks) are the only other players that have reportedly been featured in more than just a handful games hitherto. Frankly, we could have used a tad more discernment by our NBA stats partner, but hey it’s not like that bar was set awfully high from that first prompt… If anything, this answer confirmed TJ McConnell to be Indiana’s own version of a bench mob leader Tasmanian devil.
This brings us to our pièce de résistance. Just in case the coaching staff hadn’t thought about it, we took it upon ourselves to try to boost the Brooklyn Nets’ mid-season performance review. Just because. Naturally, we began by daring the NBA AI to predict the 2025-2026 regular season record for the New York franchise, to which it annoyingly clarified it’s only set up to “answer questions about NBA games, players, teams, stats, rules, schedules, league history, and on-court action”. Too bad none of these attributes contribute toward a team’s regular season record.
Next, we turned to a rose-colored glass half full, and in spite of the Nets’ 11-23 losing record as we’re typing this (matching a .324 win percentage) we wondered if there were any statistical categories the young Jordi Fernandez-coached team led the NBA in. Well, with a bolded emphasis on not, the ballers’ GPT regretted to inform us that the Brooklyn Nets do not lead the league in any major team statistical category. Ouch. And yet, Michael Porter Jr is hooping like his life depends on it. Thusly, we rolled up our sleeves and fairly flipped the query script, this time inquiring about potential boxscore stats the Nets might be worst in the league in.
Unfortunately for Barclays Center patrons, according to our chatbot the team does rank last in the NBA in both rebounds and points per game—not exactly two negligible impact metrics if you’re them. To add insult to injury, the AI agent assumed Knicks-esque features and doubled down on the analysis, by adding that the squad is “also near the bottom in field goal percentage (44.9%)”, although it clarified as consolation that “Indiana is slightly lower (44.1%)”. Similarly troublingly, NBA intelligence is quick to point out how “[t]he Nets also average 15.7 turnovers per game, one of the higher marks in the league but not last overall” (emphasis in original…). Pheeeew.
To round things off for the rebuilding team East of the East River in New York, we threw them a tactical lifeline by sculpting a more moderate and forcefully balanced query as a last-ditched effort. Pressing the NBA chatbot for the team’s strengths and weaknesses so far resulted in a more uplifting outlook as Brooklyn enters the All-Star break and starts to focus on the final part of the season. According to the NBA itself, the Nets are good to continue to sharpen their shotmaking from key high-scorers (the aforementioned MPJ, as well as a healthy-again Cam Thomas). They should also continue to rely on the ascension of younger bucks such as Day’Ron Sharpe and Russian rookie Egor Dämin. The former, jointly with longtime Net Nic Claxton, also helps lead the team’s rebounding improvements, “a marked step forward from last season’s struggles inside” per the app.
Simultaneously, the answer did not hold back and strongly reiterated the team’s inconsistent defense, high turnover rate, as well as early-season injury setbacks as grave issues still plaguing them. In addition to needing to whip up more offensive creation beyond Thomas (on top of MPJ, might we offer), the chatbot concluded by addressing the Nets’ lack of experience: “With five first-round rookies and several new veterans, [their] biggest limitation remains time—they’re still learning how to play together at both ends”. Incidentally, the sentence might well double as mad libs description for the state the NBA chatbot finds itself in. Much like the Brooklyn Nets, it’s keeping its development on the DL.
We’d like to thank you sincerely for taking the time to read this and we hope to feel your interest again next time.
Depending on how exactly you count, Self Portrait should be Ryan Adams’s 31st full length solo effort. Unlike a few of the intervening releases that separate it from BLACKHOLE—2024’s long-awaited and long-presumed indefinitely-shelved cult drop—his new 1st December 2025 exploit is a 24-cut double LP of previously unreleased studio material, including three (and a half) cover songs. Granted, the word ‘studio’ is being used extremely loosely here. No need to beat around the bush: this site’s been up for over ten years at this point, and we have pretty much covered every single piece of new music the 51-year old Jacksonville, NC native has made publicly available since 2015. Sure, we did take a few passes on e.g. his Return to Carnegie Hall (2023) or Another Wednesday (2025) live albums (not to mention his vinyl-only compilation Changes from last June). Similarly, we did not see fit to focus on his 25th Anniversary Edition Heartbreaker reissue several months ago. By and large, that was all due to the fact that none of the aforementioned projects contained any new musical numbers to speak of.
The reason we’re employing the ‘studio’ attribute loosely is because, arguably, since his extraordinary 2021 LP Big Colors, none of the subsequent ten projects feel very much like they were gestated in a true blue studio recording environment. From Chris (2022) to Self Portrait (2025), the through line has for the most part been home-spun and mixtape-like. And to think that this comes without counting as many as eight additional collections since Big Colors that were either of the aforementioned anniversary reissues (Heartbreaker), live tapes (Return to Carnegie Hall, Prisoners, Another Wednesday) or wall-to-wall album-play cover records (Nebraska, Blood on the Tracks, Morning Glory, Changes). Mind you, this is not to say that this is necessarily a bad thing, yet one that warrants an epistemological acknowledgement. For before discoursing about the merits and flaws of his latest, it’s strikes us as perhaps decisive to lean into the paratext that the PaxAm founder is sending us with his release strategy.
He titled this 31st studio LP Self Portrait—does it mean that this low-fidelity, erratic, and hodgepodge-y version of the DRA is his actual true self? At the very least during his third act? After all, this record does match the post-2020-2022 album trilogy modus operandi; one need not even read into that much of tea leaves depth. What is sure is that with now as many bedroom low-fidelity compilations released as big league major label albums back in his commercial heyday—ten in total for both classes, the latter ranging from his seminal 2000 splash Heartbreaker to 2017’s exquisite Prisoner—the question is meritorious and bears significant valence.
So who is the real Ryan Adams in 2026? Is it the author of three lengthy novels in as many years? Or is it the alt-country prodigal son so resentfully clamored by his entitled Reddit fanbase? For what it’s worth, let us bake some method into this investigation in order to look at what the Self Portrait data tells us. To recap, the LP boasts 24 individual records, amounting to almost an hour and fifteen minutes of music, which we’ll go ahead and arbitrarily claim is enough circumstantial evidence to begin inferring some representative conclusions. What we did is listen to each of the cuts on the tracklist in isolation and map them to the most likely, potential, and faithful originally housing post-2020 Ryan Adams studio album. Mostly, this was done by way of judging the recording quality, ethos, aesthetics, and environment of each cut, attempting to match that sonic identikit—as well as the primary writing style of the melodic toplines—to the album timbre resembling it the most. Here’s what we found:
“Virginia in the Rain“, “Stormy Weather“, “Thunderstorm Tears“, “Try Again Tomorrow“, “Theo” — Romeo & Juliet The largest batch of songs sounds like it was inherited from the PaxAm founder’s twentieth studio album as a solo act (2022), which is saying something considering the wild range of sonic styles and explorations on that very record. Clocking in at over an hour of material with already 19 songs in the mix, these are likely loosies and/or throwaways from those writing sessions. By virtue of the album length and format pace the DRA has been keeping of late, few pundits would have bat an eye had these five been quietly laced into the tracklist to make it another 24-track opus like Self Portrait.
“Bye Bye Balloons“, “Fools Game“, “Lovers Under the Moon” — Wednesdays Admittedly more informed by the songwriting at the core of these tunes than the production quality, these three barebones naked unplugged and acoustic numbers wouldn’t have felt too out of place on his 2020 comeback record—perhaps as extra material thrown on top of a market-specific drop. The fact that none of them actually made the bonus tracks cut at the time—especially factoring in how generous Adams typically is with non-LP numbers and outtakes—speaks to the somewhat lukewarm quality and staying power they actually possess.
“Too Old to Die Young“, “I Am a Rollercoaster“, “Look What You Did” — Chris This different crop of Self Portrait songs sports a distinctive Chris kind of musical vibe. Mind you, the highly-anticipated final installment in his powerful 2020-2022 album trilogy—completed by Wednesdays and Big Colors—already showcases some of Ryan Adams’s more immediate and catchiest, if disjointed, songwriting of the past fifteen years. Nonetheless, with yet another bloated tracklist, coming in just shy of sixty minutes of runtime, it’s easy to cut him some slack and understand why these three didn’t quite make it onto any of the commercially released versions at the time. In twenty-twenty hindsight, we would have loved to see either “Too Old to Die Young” or “I Am a Rollercoaster” getting the official upgrade, or at the very least being offered as bonus tracks instead of the hair metal-adjacent “Don’t Follow” that the poet laureate ended up churning out.
“Saturday Night Forever”, “Please, Shut the Fuck Up“, “At Dawn” — Big Colors These three LP standouts err on the shinier and glossier end of the production spectrum (not exactly an awfully high bar for him lately, we know…), while displaying a strong lineage with what’s perhaps the best and most accomplished record in the North Carolinian’s recent discography. Although they don’t quite retain all the required sanitized nooks and crannies to be default-grandfathered into their parent album, their more careful mixing and focused songwriting handily elevate them as amongst the most enjoyable on Self Portrait. “Saturday Night Forever” is gorgeous and sounds like the (even) darker coin flip B side of “In It For the Pleasure”, while “At Dawn” could go neck to neck with “Summer Rain” as the ultimate DRA album swan song—an incredibly tall order.
“Take the Money“, “Not Trash Anymore” — FM “Take the Money” was literally teased and promoted as an FM outtake around the time his power-pop affair dropped in 2022, so that’s a given and perhaps even more of a head scratcher than other jams on here. The non-LP labeling feels fair game and the right outcome for that one, but “Not Trash Anymore” is a strong and muscular tune through and through. It’s a shame it wasn’t included in it four years ago, as it comes across as a bit of a sore thumb on Self Portrait.
“Blue Monday“, “The One I Love“, “Shiny Happy People” — Morning Glory The cover songs for the cover album. From their homespun recording mix to the actual instrumentation committed to tape, these new renditions of New Order and REM classics were in all likelihood cut during the same DIY arrangement and recording sessions as his incredibly hushed and creative Oasis album reimagining. Let’s just say we’re glad Ryan kept these standalones, for they bear less to write home about than pretty much anything on his 2020s album covers series.
“Throw It Away” — Devolver The late 2022 Rock N Roll-spiritual next-of-kin release remains a peppy and underrated project in the alt-country phenom’s canon; this similarly vivacious and inspired cut carries all its songwriting and production fingerprints on it. Considering the more condensed original tracklist on Devolver—with no single record clocking in at longer than 3:14—this should have been on it.
“Castles in the Sand” — Blood on the Tracks If you know you know, but there’s a specific brand of sound capture and playback temperature to the wall-to-wall re-recording of Bob Dylan’s masterpiece, given away for free as a 2022 Christmas present. This ambitious 6-minute jam, somewhat randomly, oozes all of the same hallmarks of what presumably was another home studio set up at the time. Clearly not a potential candidate for the aforementioned covers record, this one-off belter seems to have been sculpted as a torch bearer for the looser and more impromptu kind of Ryan Adams drawl.
“Someone On My Mind“, “I Am Dracula“, “Honky Tonk Girl” — Others These are long tail renegades. We couldn’t quite naturally map any of these three bops to any of his past records. They all pretty much sound like they were cut during the same writing session(s) though, so one is left wondering what kind of different record lies behind them. Their garage-y and more upbeat ethos very much situates them up one of Adams’s more exuberant and storied streets. If our theory that what he sees when he looks in the mirror today is the sprawling, unedited, and primarily low-fidelity singer/songwriter of the past six years is correct, their inclusion appears based.
Notwithstanding the above blow-by-blow granularity, alas the sequencing on Self Portrait continues to be rough. All over the place, once more. Staccato transitions and EQ unbalances render this collection of tunes more like another mixtape, than a cohesive or even conceptual album. Think Chris, rather than Prisoner. Its further shortcomings include the annoying audio static on most of this thing’s mix, as well as many hackneyed bits of Ryan counting-in the songs. Although the latter is of course not necessarily a bad thing, when done intentionally and contextually, the abundant and incoherent times it appears on here feel both unnecessary and haphazard at best. Also, too often one can hear Ryan’s pick hitting the acoustic guitar’s body before or after a performance—another clue pointing to a very self-recorded affair. Indeed, as many seem to speculate online, Self Portrait sounds like yet another album cobbled together by the DRA himself, while left to his own devices. That would mean no major label studio-grading recording engineer in the picture—nor an external curator/consigliere to help him guide song selection and sequencing.
Yet, for as much as his fans seem to think otherwise, the fact of the matter is that Ryan remains in control of his own creative output. He has the complete God-given right to steer the bull by its horns in whichever direction he prefers. Regardless of album creation heuristics, what stays indelible at the end of the day are his artistic choices and the way they can be interpreted by listeners. Ever the self-aware, contrarian, and ironic auteur, one’s gotta sprinkle some humor and affability for accuracy on top though. So while we shall never really find out for sure what his mirrored image looks like, or what he thinks it looks like, titling your 31st studio album Self Portrait feels daring and evanescent at the same time. Is it a giant f**k you to snob and presumptuous superfans who won’t stop crying digital tears until he remakes Heartbreaker and Jacksonville City Nights over and over, or a faithful statement of artistic intent as he evolves throughout the third decade of the new millennium? Like it or not, we’re not so sure the man even knows himself.
We’d like to thank you sincerely for taking the time to read this and we hope to feel your interest again next time.
I’d like to thank you sincerely for taking the time to read this and I hope to feel your interest again next time. And happy holidays this time around.
There’s a new Ryan Adamsdouble album out in the world (a pastiche grower, in case you needed to know), the Mass Appeal ‘Legend Has It…‘ series has come to a climaxing and culminating end, and Gabriel Jacoby is going to be a star. Yet we do need to come through and interrupt the regularly scheduled musical programming—AOTY and the long-in-the-works Mass Appeal Tier List are handily stuffing this jolly December—to chime in with the obligatory unfounded 2025 Emirates NBA Cup winner prediction, now that the championship game is finally set and will be won by our New York Knicks.
Hey, it’s no Larry O’Brien trophy, but after more than a half-century drought, the five Gotham boroughs will take any resemblance to ballin silverware. On any other day ending in Y, given how this first quarter of NBA regular season has fared—with reigning champs Oklahoma City Thunder entering last Saturday’s West semifinals with an otherworldly .960 winning record, hot on the heels of a 16-game winning streak—capitulating such an opponent would have likely translated into more hooping street creds for Brunson and co. than the actual Emirates NBA Cup and the lofty monetary cachet it carries. Too bad that honor has now gone to the marvelous and defiant San Antonio Spurs instead.
Zoomin out for a moment, this year’s Cup edition did feel like it finally started to establish itself as a worthy late fall slump pursuit for the thirty league franchises. Didn’t it? If anything, the NBA just announced that TV viewership of group-play games was up 90 percent from last year. 90% YoY! Now in its third edition, following a sage and well-informed name change from the management consulting-y In-Season Tournament label, if nothing else the dedicated Friday night Cup games throughout November lent buzzing and momentous urgency to an otherwise somewhat auto-pilot month in the league. Incidentally, the revamped scheduling, coupled with a few successful branding pivots, led to a fascinating single-elimination game bracket in the knockout rounds, including flipped seedings compared to regular season standings as well as somewhat unlikely ticket-punchers (Suns and Raptors?!).
Our fault—didn’t we say we were going to zoom out? For the uninitiated, or those oblivious amongst you, only here to mouth-water over next week’s Albums of the Year drop, here comes a handy recap of how the NBA Cup actually worked out this year in the first place—courtesy of the always astute Bounce newsletter by The Athletic’s Zach Harper:
We have three groups of five teams in each conference. You play against every team in your group once.
The best record wins the group.
If you tie, head-to-head will determine the winner.
Three group winners in each conference advance to the single-elimination bracket, along with one wild card team in each conference.
Wild card is based on record, then point differential, then total points scored, then 2024-25 regular-season record.
If all of those tiebreakers don’t solve it, the NBA does a random draw.
Owing to the above, all of the group-play games shenanigans would then determine the knockout bracket, with quarterfinals played with the typical home/away format based on group seeding, before moving both conference semifinals and the prize fight on neutral Las Vegas ground… Ahh how do we love the poetic irony of sending these teams, their delegations, and especially the eyes of the hooping world watching to a site that is the synonymous dictionary entry of gambling and betting—all amidst the gargantuan FBI-doctored multiple illegal investigations plaguing the league. The place is literally nicknamed Sin City, for Christ’s sake. Let’s just assume that everyone in the NBA—from Commish Silver to any franchise’s front office—would have been completely fine with setting this all up in Omaha, Nebraska this year. Just for this one subaltern season.
At any rate, as good ole De La Soul like to throw it down, it turns out that three really is a magic number (although perhaps not a Magic number, much to Desmond Bane’s chagrin). This year, both conferences’ NBA Cup third seeds entering the single-elimination round (NYK and SAS) have managed to push through all the way up to the 2025 Championship game—slated for tomorrow, Tuesday 16th December. This is a first, for the lowest seed to ever make it all the way to a Cup final before was the Indiana Pacers’ second seed during the inaugural, wait for it, In-Season Tournament (a game they eventually lost 123-109 to LeBron James’ Lakers). It’s too early to tell whether this stands to signify any meaningful shift in regular season power dynamics, but it sure does speak to the Cup’s erratic left field monkey wrench influence on this season’s juncture; whether it spoils your pre-Christmas anticipation all depends on what side of the NBA fence you sit on. Regardless, it’s tight and refreshing that no current Cup or regular season top seed is sticking around in Vegas for the prize fight this year.
All of a sudden matching most odds and predictions, our New York Knickerbockers will win this thing tomorrow. Believe us, we’d have stuck to this prediction even if the opponent were the OKC. Yeah we know, no sane person would likely pick against OKC until like 2032 at this point, but hey you all saw what Win-banyama and peers did to them this past weekend. Also, we kind of just feel like such a statement snatch is in the air for New York. They just got perennially cool Zohran Mamdani; they’ll want to keep striking while the iron is hot. Not to mention, this is virtually the same ace core team that reached the Eastern Conference Finals a mere six months ago, only with a deeper and more versatile bench as well as a brilliant gaffer in Mike Brown. We get what you’re saying—they’re up against a young, wild, and free squad with arguably all of the wind in their sail after having defeated the seemingly unbeatable reigning World champs and having welcomed the Alien back from injury. But we’re asking you to trust us here.
So there goes our Cupdate. You know it’s New York Forever, and the Knicks will take the Cupcake. Besides, Midtown West will need to be under Martial Law for the two hours following the final buzzer. They are coming.
We’d like to thank you sincerely for taking the time to read this and we hope to feel your interest again next time.